European migratory birds face the bullet post-Brexit
November 3, 2016
The sound of gunfire may soon fill the British countryside, that’s according to sources from the new organisation Britons Against the Influx of European Migratory Birds (BIM). Growing resentment of European birds flocking to the shores of Britannia is causing a stir amongst concerned British birders.
“For too long we’ve been inundated with these European birds, coming to our shores and not contributing to our ecosystems,” a spokesperson from BIM told the GreenLlamaBlog over a freshly ground double caramel latte and croissants. “It’s a fact. European birds eat an equivalent of 30 tonnes of British birdfeed per year. That’s costing the tax payer nearly £300 per year per person. But the politicians won’t tell you that.”
“Alls we’re asking is for British birdfeed for British birds, I don’t think you can call that unacceptable.”
In addition to the legal shooting of intruding European birds, BIM proposes the building of a giant net, which they dub the Great British Aviary Dome, over southern England to discourage European birds from making the trip across the channel. “Sure, it’ll cost us some travel time and we’ll all need to make some changes to our lives. But we’ve got to live within our means anyway, right?” The spokesmen suggested that the French would pay for the Dome. “I assure you, they are just as sick of our birds as we are of theirs.”
A representative from the organisation Birds Without Borders disagreed. “European birds contribute significantly to the health of our ecosystems. Every year many British birds make the treacherous trip to Europe to breed and enrich the genetic gene pool.”
But BIM suggest a more sinister cost to British society. They say that on average each European bird shits on a British car three times per day, compared to the one and a half times per day that a British bird shits on a car. “Come on, the cost of car washing isn’t cheap.” The spokesman said, spilling a little latte on his pristine white Lacoste shirt.
“This has to stop. British birds are cleaner and more considerate.”
The idea is growing popular amongst Birders. “Sometimes when you’re out there in the woods you just don’t see a British bird anymore. It’s all mixed up. This isn’t natural,” one said.
“What I really want to know is where all these European birds are coming from, can you tell me that?” Another concerned BIM supporter told the GreenLlamaBlog. “France, Germany, Ukraine, Syria… how do we know that these birds aren’t carrying coded messages from ISIS. How do we know?”
"We're soon going to have to look out for ourselves if the gov doesn't act, and I know a lot of folks who are getting ready to take this to the next level. British Birdfeed for British birds." The supporter said, tapping his lapel badge with a wink.
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